Dreams vs Reality

I wanted to write this post for quite some time ago, due to some reason, it has been keep on dragging and dragging, until my 21 birthday, I had came across some incidents, reminding me of this chapter. However, I just manage to cope out some time to spend on this post. 

During my big day, I was staying awake, to accomplish undone due-soon assignments. In fact, I don't really like last minute thing, but what to do, everyone seems like to drag thing until last minute, for some reasons, they say that's the power and force that push them to complete their task. For me, this doesn't really apply, somehow, it drags my performance. End up, I sleep at about 5am.

While doing my assignment, I was listening song. The song accompany me the whole, as the room feels so empty with only me alone. Without any sounds, the room can be emptier. Out of sudden, I just realise that I have so many songs in my lappie, so many songs that I never head before, so many nice songs that I never aware of. Is it true that I don't know the songs I have in my own lappie, or is it because of I didn't listen to mandarin songs for quite some time, or the existence of the songs is merely because of I just download them for you, or my brain deny their existence so that I won't recall some memories? I just wonder..

It's in the middle of the night, I saw you online, you still awake. Somehow, deep inside my heart, I did whisper to myself, with a simple and little hope that, you will pm me and wish me. The foolish in me kept me waiting until your status turned grey. I was stupid enough to feel sad and disappointment, given the facts that I knew it is not going to happen.

What happen next, I call it birthday Dejavu of Dejavu. I was sitting in front of my lappie, suddenly I had a scene and feeling that I had gone through this scene and feeling before, somehow, and exactly the same picture, same screen and same song playing. After a moment of being shocked, suddenly, I felt like I woke up again from a dream while sitting up in front of my assignments, followed by the same scene, same picture, same screen on lappie and same song playing. I was like, wow~ Now when I am typing this, my hair also stands~

After finished with the full stop for the works, I been to bed. It's amazing for that sleep. When I woke up the next day, I can't believe myself of what was happening. I had a dream, a dream about me and her. We been to some teenager camp in the long holiday. Time and setting was after we broke up officially and coincidentally met each other in the camp. It's a few days camp, whereby we spend time together, do work together, chit chat together, just like going back to the last time while we were still friends. She's so tired on some particular day, I still remembered very clearly that I did carry her back. In the middle of the camp, we also did some argument or have some disagreements. The feelings were so real that we really angry at each other and trying to win each other's heart back after that. For some reason, when i get to sleep in the dream and I woke up in the dream, I was still in the dream. The feeling is so real. When I woke up in this reality, I still have the thinking of want to change my outfit and meet up with her for the next meeting. But sooner, I realised, this is just another dream after dream, which this fact tear my spirit apart, tears were no longer under control.

It's okay, I told myself. Things happen, life moves on. I was kinda happy that I still have my close friend to celebrate for me. In fact, they plan a surprise for me, and it was a successful one! I like the present very much. It's just a photo frame, or more precisely, a swing to put photo, a photo of me and them. I remembered I said a phrase last week, "Photo album is a document of history". This quote of mine suits the present very well.

Near evening, her sudden post of wishing never fail to give me surprise. She still post her wish to me, finally. She hope I can kept my promise with her the other day, to study hard and strive for excellence. I don't know how to reply her, but, I'll keep my promise. Somehow, I wish that I can listen to see her face by face, or at least let me listen to her voice to wish me, it's more than enough. I didn't ask more for my birthday.

In the evening, me and my other course mates were going out for dinner. While on the way out the main gates, again, I have the Dejavu picture, feel like some how, I had seen the picture before. Never mind, I don't know how to describe this, but, this is kinda scary especially when I experience it again for the second time. Somehow, I feel like I can see the near future, but I don't want to possess this power, if I'm given this power. For the dinner, it's just like any ordinary celebration. We have cakes, candle, songs, and etc. I got what I wanted for my birthday 10 years ago, however, I didn't feel any great happiness at that particular moment. I missed the time where my families make red egg for me, I got angpao from my parents, and the time me and her spent with previous year.

I missed those time..