Complicated Feeling

I think, this will be my last post before I end my Year 3 Semester 1, officially.

My current position is at airport, as I'll be leaving this Malaya Land tomorrow morning when the sun rises. Throughout the last whole week, my feeling is kind of up and down, and most of the time, is down, sadly. I don't have much study mood. One night right before my final paper, I did some packing. In the middle of the process, I manage to tune my mood to finish up my revision before I went bed.

Today I just manage to fill my room with emptiness. The luggage has been moved and kept. This whole process took up some time and effort, but I won't discuss it here. Since the Sept month began, I promise myself to keep this blog as lively as possible, to be filled with joy and happiness, and some sharing of feeling and some particular moment, but not those emotional post anymore. So all the emo-ness had been shifted into recycle bin.

Yes! After all, I decide to keep myself positive and active, merely just because of her. I can hear me whisper to myself very clear, with soft voice, "I do all this for you".

Regarding the puzzle I prepared earlier on, it was actually for her birthday present. I am quite happy that she actually didn't say no to accept the gift. I am also quite shocked to receive an message from her, saying that she like my gift very much after she really look into it. I mean, I didn't expect this good respond from her. Maybe, after all, both of us manage to let go what we should be done long ago. I am happy that we still can chat like normal friend, although now my mouth just turns numb whenever I meet into her. I just smile to her, this is the best I can do now, at least, she saw my smile. 

The thing is, I still failed to get the puzzle a frame, but, I will finish what I had started, somehow. This is my own principle, I will complete what I had once started, I'm not someone who give up easily in the middle of no way.

Speaking of which, since I'm officially ending my third year studies, I will start to have my 4 months break until CNY 2012. WOW~ Can you just imagine that? I will be having holidays for 4 month it's like those days after SPM. During those day, some of my friends went in college, some went for part time, some helped parents in shop, some did this and some did that. Now, I get to receive lots of questions tackling me what will I be doing  for my breaks. Well, to be frank, most of the time, I would had answered, "I, also have no idea."

Initially, I had a lot of plans. For instance, going Cambodia trip, WC coming over Sarawak for a trip and my job will be the tour guard again, a swimming coach during every weekends (I almost forget about this), helping my dad out in his construction projects, helping my auntie mom out in her legal firm, taking care of my grandma who stay alone at home most of the time, part time baby sitter, etc... After I calmed my mind clear, I decided to rest for a while, but not sure for how long. After that, I might need to kick off with m business. My business plan is to at least get back my investment during the breaks. Then I can buy the things I want to buy and go to the places I want to go.

Of course, meeting up friends will be one of my main agenda. I think I will going to miss my home town, my families, my friends, my Kuching food and places, and many many many more. As I started to miss my university stuff already. Those friends, those laughter, those anger, those emotions, those every single little tiny things. As if I care~ (I really care, somehow.)

Sometime, most of the time, for those who I care for, I don't mind how much effort I spend, I don't mind if that person knows about it, I don't mind to work hard for it. I can do these for everyone, I can even smile and talk to a stranger and get close to that person.

But, there is always someone special in my heart, someone who is irreplaceable, someone I care for really really much. This someone, whom I will care for, with my silent regards and silent wish. I hope that in this break, she can do what she want to do, what she like to do, and what she wish to do.

The theorem of me being happy is very simple. I will be happy only if the people around me if happy. I am happy if those who I care for is happy. I am happy, I know, she is doing fine and well.