Meta-morph

I've been thinking, should I write this in English, or Mandarin? Hmm.. Maybe I should keep it in English, with a complete sentence. After all, this does help me in improving my language very much. Here's my story of metamorphism.

I just completed a 10km run (marathon?) at Ipoh town, called Ipoh International Run 2011. Some of you may wonder, why is this run so great? In fact, this leads to the very beginning of the time, the time before I made up my mind in taking part in this so called "competition". Curious to know the reasons and "motives" behind? You will find out, soon, promise. =) (If you has followed my blog closely, you will know what am I talking about.)

Regarding to this run, I heard it form a friend of mine. In fact, I didn't pay much attention to this initially, or maybe I can say, as far as I can remember, I straight away deleted that particular mail, when people forwarded to me, I don't even care or bother to read it. When the time my friend told me, I also just listened, then when I wanna walk away, my friend mentions that K (a buddy who is used to close to me, further clarification later) got take part in the competition. Maybe, this is what triggered me start to have a thought of joining in this run. 

After I has this thought, it wasn't long for me to send in my name for registration, but in between, this took me ages to think of many things. Is this my ego, or my dark side of me, that started to grab control over me, my consciousness? Oh no, I just not sure. A decision, is a decision. It had been made. This was my first time taking part in running competition, although I'm a state swimmer (I was, used to be), I'm quite unsure I can finish the whole track. 

In fact, I wanted to join the Star Walk quite sometime ago, and I wasn't able to join, because I wasn't here (in Ipoh) by the time of Star Walk is being organised, I was having my semester break and back at my home town, Sarawak. However, this year, I was able to join, since my university change the semester system. But, again,  I failed to involve myself in that. I just felt, a bit down, but I was okay with that. Somehow, I got to know that K did join the walk. I started guessing, is that her who invited him to join? And she knew very well that, I'm the one who wanted to join all this while, and felt sad cause I wasn't here, so I couldn't join, and, yet, I DIDN'T GET INVITED! WT*.... (I think, maybe, that's the time, something grew within me) After all, this is just my guessing, I was trying to calm myself down. The incident was deeply buried within me, until the news of the Ipohrun.

Now, I got to know about this news, my heart started palpitating, I felt, anxious? Can't find a word to describe myself. My emotion grew, when I heard that K was joining, as well. Struggling with inner me, I can't find a reason, what was pushing me so hard, to join this "competition", enthusiastically? What was in my head, all is about him ---> K. I feel like I join, just because of my emotion. 

Of course, after sending in the registration form, the first thing I did was, confirm if my rival is in or not. The confirmation didn't take me much effort. After that, I start my training! I went for swimming for more than 50 laps in 1 shot (after don't know how long didn't swim), Running stairs until cramp, Jogging to outside town along main road (about 10 minutes car ride), Road skipping until I kneel-ed, and Pressed up until I chin-ed. (ALL DONE IN ONE SINGLE DAY!) That's the time I started to sense my craziness and something was wrong with me, which I couldn't figure out why.

Am I mad? I kept on asking myself. No one can answer me. Why am I doing all this? To prepare myself for the coming day? to 'fight' against him? I'm just, not sure, what am I trying to do. But one thing I'm very clear of, FIRST time EVER in my life, I WANNA COMPETE WITH PEOPLE! This feeling is so STRONG, I didn't own such a domination feeling even when I was a state swimmer. Why is this feeling so strong? 

It's his birthday, it falls on the Ipoh Running Day, the day that I'm going to face him, in the run track. I want to win him! This is what I got in my mind. But why? Why I want to win him, just him?? To prove myself that I'm better than him? Or just wanna show her, I also can do what he did? For the Sun run, even if I run until I'm out of breath, breathing difficulties, chest pain, I WILL NOT let myself stop. This is not a suicide game, but, I'm pushing myself towards that. 

So, I push myself damn harsh, to go training everyday, until my leg muscle cramp, I don't care, I just want to win!